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First Date Fuck Ups 9.5.2010
We've all had them. Admit it. Everybody's had
at least one. Well, I've had more than one. There's
one that almost got me arrested. And how about the one who's
wife called me ten minutes after he dropped me off? I've
got a hundred stories, but I'm only gonna tell you about
one.
The names have been changed to protect the guilty. Before
I tell you this story I have to tell you a little ...
1 Kommentare, 258 Angesehen,
11 Stimmen
,4.29 Gesamtpunktzahl
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5 yr Anniversary 22.4.2010
I had crimped and prepped the night before he was takin me
to dinner and a movie to celebrate our anniversary. I wanted
to do something really kinky this anniversary just to let
him know "I still had IT".
We went to dinner first and it was a fancy joint so I didn't
wanna pull any tricks out there. We went on to the theather
to see "7 Pounds-Will Smith". I knew I wanted
to do something ...
2 Kommentare, 80 Angesehen,
6 Stimmen
,3.37 Gesamtpunktzahl
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humor 17.4.2010
if a hot guy grabs you on the ass and pussy your so lucky, if
a not so hot guy grabs you on the ass and pussy it's sexual
abuse and he gets charged.how are men supposed to know if
it is right to touch. i know a hot guy that walked around his
back yard naked and his neibour who was a church going lady
was watching now she calls him up for sex every night and
they fuck.but if some men tryed that ...
1 Kommentare, 48 Angesehen,
2 Stimmen
,1.04 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Free kittens ! 17.4.2010
A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk
in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing
a number tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing
FREE KITTENS.
Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out
of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning man.
"Hi there, little girl, I'm President Obama.
What do you have in the basket?" he ...
2 Kommentare, 144 Angesehen,
33 Stimmen
,1.49 Gesamtpunktzahl
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yellow thread 24.3.2010
this lady i used to live with when i was younger that the only
way she would let me live with her was if i promised to stay
a virgin. And if she ever found out if i had sex she would than
sew my hole with yellow..I laughed and asked her why yellow
thread? She replied with so when a man goes down on you he
can see that is sewn shut..lmao i couldnt bear to tell her
that i had just got done having ...
5 Kommentare, 209 Angesehen,
13 Stimmen
,1.30 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Snow Sex 20.3.2010
It was a cold snowy day, when we had to saddle up the horses
to go check the fence line. He wasn't my boyfriend but we had a secret sex life.
Half way threw we took a break tieing the horses to a tree.
The next thing I knew he pulled me close and said lets have
some fun. I said it's snowing and daylight and what
if someone sees us. I was still shy cause of my high school
age. I said the snow ...
3 Kommentare, 167 Angesehen,
14 Stimmen
,4.42 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Mixed emotions ! 16.3.2010
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program
about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed
emotions”.
The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s
a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will
make me happy and sad at the same time.”
She said: “Out of all your friends, you have the biggest
dick.“...
3 Kommentare, 168 Angesehen,
43 Stimmen
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beaten 13.3.2010
when i was 21 my girlfriend at the time had the fantasy, so
we used to go to the local park in the early hours and i would
hide in the bushes wait for her to walk past and jump out on
her....one night we went a bit to early...i jumped out on
her started ripping her clothes off, ,suddenly i felt
a hand on my shoulder turned around to be greeted by a fist
in the face...it was some bloke walking ...
3 Kommentare, 80 Angesehen,
4 Stimmen
,2.08 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Sweet tea ! 1.3.2010
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.
Doctor: "What happened?"
Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every
time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When
your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet
tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."
Two weeks ...
2 Kommentare, 215 Angesehen,
43 Stimmen
,0.74 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Church Offering ! 25.2.2010
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering,
the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing
$1, 000. It happened again the next week!
The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected
and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope
on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome
by curiosity, approached her. "Ma'am, I ...
1 Kommentare, 191 Angesehen,
35 Stimmen
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When My Parents Visit 16.2.2010
Being that it was my birthday, I have to admit I was hoping
for breakfast in bed. When I wandered into the kitchen,
half-asleep and even less coherent, I was hoping for at
least a decent breakfast. I was wishing for waffles and
eyeing the Cornflakes when I heard a giggle behind me and
my boxers were jerked down my legs. I spun around and nearly fell in the process but Sarah caught
me before I ...
3 Kommentare, 703 Angesehen,
15 Stimmen
,5.43 Gesamtpunktzahl
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STAGES OF BEING DRUNK 17.1.2010
Stage 1 ‒ SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject
in the known Universe. You know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to
anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG.
This makes for an interesting argument when both parties
are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when ...
2 Kommentare, 87 Angesehen,
10 Stimmen
,3.78 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Compliments come in many forms 14.1.2010
Being sexy for the one you love is as important and feeling
sexy. As we age and grow old with our partner we still want
to look good. When I was young I was a swimsuit model, now
that I'm middle aged I've gained a few pounds my
husband calls me curvy. That makes me feel good when we joke
around and I'm complaining of being out of shape he
simply says "honey round is a shape". lol
9 Kommentare, 181 Angesehen,
20 Stimmen
,3.51 Gesamtpunktzahl
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lies 12.1.2010
a man and a woman had been married for 20yrs. Each night they
made love the husband wanted complete darkness and he would
go under the covers and do his business. well one night the
wife decided that they had been married long enough and
she wanted to see him as he penetrated her. When she pulled
covers back she saw him using a sex toy and she yelled you've
been laying to me all these yrs ...
4 Kommentare, 195 Angesehen,
12 Stimmen
,4.92 Gesamtpunktzahl
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The ElectroLux Vacuum Cleaner Parts Salesman is my ! 9.1.2010
I was in a lengthy relationship with a straight-laced vanilla
6th grade school math teacher who would frequently wear
her hair in a bun. Yeah, you've got the right mental
image right there.
She also suffered from uncontrollable OCD which was a double-edged
sword. She could take her medications and be semi-normal.
With one exception, no sex was happening while the medication
did its magic ...
2 Kommentare, 128 Angesehen,
4 Stimmen
,2.86 Gesamtpunktzahl
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“Leela Kee Maa Kee…….” 8.1.2010
If you have seen a reindeer or a bull you know what being horny
means. It sticks out a mile away. As I have said earlier too, I am 24x7 horny and on a blind date
it didn’t take me long to get down to the bare essentials.
I was essentially bare in no time and he was still tearing
off his pants when I panted and thrust my pelvic zone rather
impatiently. He peeled off the cotton trousers, got ...
10 Kommentare, 308 Angesehen,
13 Stimmen
,2.81 Gesamtpunktzahl
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HAVE YOU EVER FUCKED SOMEONE THAT HAS A BAD SMELL???? 5.1.2010
Its a funny yet serious situation because its hard to tell
someone they smell...... DAMM
9 Kommentare, 127 Angesehen,
8 Stimmen
,1.86 Gesamtpunktzahl
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whose clothes /does it matter 4.1.2010
my girl friend found some pics of me on our computer an flipped
a little me naked or with another dud then she found pics
of me wearing her clothes and and got mad at me i told her they
r hot clothes and if she wasnt goin to wear them i wont waste
them and then she found the sites and me as a crossdresser
datint now its breakin up and staying together she is made
but says she loves me but dont ...
2 Kommentare, 119 Angesehen,
8 Stimmen
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Just an Accident 27.12.2009
My mom said I was accident prone and may be she is right. We
were on our honeymoon in a hill resort, and the world was
my oyster. The room had a beautiful hill side view, and opened
on to a terrace meant for parties. My dad had been a chain smoker and as his favourite doll I
too had sort of developed considerable tolerance to smoke.
This helped me no ends during my marriage as my husband too
had ...
2 Kommentare, 307 Angesehen,
10 Stimmen
,3.58 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Why does money cause so many problems. 23.12.2009
It's so funny. I work a 7 day week, nearly 60 - 70 hours
per week. But when I want to spend $100 on myself. oh my god,
all hell breaks loose. Sure honey, you can buy that top,
those pants, oh can get this dvd, "hell no"!!!
What with that? I just wanna buy one thing once in a while....
3 Kommentare, 68 Angesehen,
3 Stimmen
,2.94 Gesamtpunktzahl
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Serious Couples Have To Have Relationship Humor. 5.12.2009
When attemping the swinging lifestyle one thing you wanna
make sure you have is relationship humor.I think with out
this it's hard for a couple to live in this lifestyle.
I wanna know what you others think?
2 Kommentare, 101 Angesehen,
3 Stimmen
,4.41 Gesamtpunktzahl
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john and jill 21.11.2009
John and Jill were about to go into his apartment and before
he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute,
I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."
John says, "Well, give me some examples."
Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is,
if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard,
then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't ...
4 Kommentare, 260 Angesehen,
13 Stimmen
,5.49 Gesamtpunktzahl
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a day in the life.... 21.11.2009
A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the
doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this
prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she
agrees, and they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife says,
"Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could
we please do it one more time?"
Of course, the wife agrees, ...
1 Kommentare, 179 Angesehen,
5 Stimmen
,3.80 Gesamtpunktzahl
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the wedding 20.11.2009
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the
service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can
a man marry?"
"Sixteen, " the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How
do you know that?"
"Easy, " the little boy said. "All you
have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said, 4 better, 4 worse,
4 richer, 4 poorer."
0 Kommentare, 176 Angesehen,
6 Stimmen
,2.80 Gesamtpunktzahl
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rewards in heaven 17.11.2009
3 Men were waiting to go to heaven. St Peter was at the gate
and said, "However good you were to your wife that
is the vehicle you will get in heaven".
The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never,
ever cheated on my wife and I love her". So St. Peter
gives him a Rolls Royce.
The next man comes up and says, "I cheated on my wife
a little but I stilll love her." He gets ...
1 Kommentare, 158 Angesehen,
4 Stimmen
,4.80 Gesamtpunktzahl
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why buy the cow.... 15.11.2009
The only cow in a small town in Arkansas stopped giving milk.
The people did some research and found they could buy a cow
in North Carolina, for $200.00.
They bought the cow from N. C. and the cow was wonderful.
It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were
pleased and very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce
more cows like it. ...
1 Kommentare, 155 Angesehen,
6 Stimmen
,4.50 Gesamtpunktzahl
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shoulda bought a hat..... 12.11.2009
An elderly couple named Margaret and Burt live in Alberta.
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So
seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home,
walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his
wife, 'Notice anythingdifferent about me?'
Margaret looks him over, 'Nope.'
Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses,
and > walks back ...
1 Kommentare, 147 Angesehen,
6 Stimmen
,3.93 Gesamtpunktzahl
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good trade.... 10.11.2009
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in
Northern Arizona, when she saw an elderly Navajo woman
walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and
quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman
if she would like a ride. With a word or two of thanks, she
got in the car.
After resuming the journey and a bit of small talk, the Navajo
woman noticed a brown ...
1 Kommentare, 145 Angesehen,
11 Stimmen
,4.48 Gesamtpunktzahl
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marketing and promotions 10.11.2009
One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare
rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business
trips.
Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity
department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives
of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they
enjoyed their trip.
Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
1 Kommentare, 122 Angesehen,
3 Stimmen
,3.43 Gesamtpunktzahl
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air traffic controller 10.11.2009
While taxiing at London's Gatwick Airport, the crew
of a U.S. Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a
wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate
female ground controller lashed out at the U.S. Air crew,
screaming: "U.S. Air 2771, where the hell are you
going?
I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned
right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's ...
1 Kommentare, 141 Angesehen,
8 Stimmen
,4.17 Gesamtpunktzahl
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